


a love song/a non love song

by ghoulwheeze (trek_locked)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But also poor Shane, Emotional Hurt, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Poor Ryan, Unrequited Love, shyan, skeptic believer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16126793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trek_locked/pseuds/ghoulwheeze
Summary: Shane thought Ryan loved him in return, but his heartfelt confession doesn't turn out as planned. Now, he's lost the person who matters the most to him and Shane may never get Ryan back.





	a love song/a non love song

**Author's Note:**

> Ummm this one is for Buck. I love you. You asked for a fic based off the song "a love song/a non love song" by Jon Cozart and dodie. I have provided because you're the best and this song has major shyan vibes.

It had been on location in Paris when it had all gone down. 

Ryan breaking his cool, screaming at Shane. 

Shane, tears in his eyes, afraid to let them fall as he never had been before, turning away. 

A rift that grew with every unspoken word between the ones existing out loud. 

He had been so sure, that Ryan felt the same way. Measured glances, subtle touches, bright laughter that followed Shane at work, at home, in his dreams. 

How could he have gotten it all wrong? 

“You think I love you? Well you’re wrong!” Ryan had shouted, making Shane video camera shake as his hand trembled. The footage was ruined anyways. 

“But I thought- we were so close, and you seemed like you wanted more! More than friendship? I couldn’t have been wrong, Ryan, please don’t do this.” 

The believer’s eyes were so cold, a blankness in them that frightened Shane. 

“I don’t love you. I never will. So leave it. Let’s finish the episode and go. And I’m staying with TJ tonight.” 

That was the night Shane’s heart cracked permanently. 

* * *

 

It kept him up at night. Shane should’ve known that opening his big mouth would’ve made it all end in flames. Now Ryan avoided him at work, except for filming Unsolved. Everyone on Twitter kept commenting they actually seemed like they hated each other now. Shane thought maybe they were right, at least for Ryan. 

And the worst part was that Shane missed his best friend. Ok, so maybe Ryan didn’t want to be his boyfriend. Maybe he didn’t love him back. That hurt, but couldn’t he have just said that and then they moved on? Stayed friends? Because now Shane had no one to eat popcorn with, to watch movies with, to laugh loudly with and annoy the other Buzzfeed employees in the break room. 

His left felt bereft. Like it wasn’t his own anymore. 

Shane hadn’t really realized how much of his day revolves around Ryan till it suddenly didn’t. 

At night, Shane would lie awake, wishing that he possessed the self-control for keeping love secret that he had when it came to investigating ghosts. 

Paris would’ve been beautiful to explore with Ryan at his side. Instead, he’d been too afraid to leave his hotel room. The Eiffel Tower and failed dinner reservations on the second floor mocked him from his view out the window.

* * *

 

When Shane’s phone rang late one night, he almost dropped it as soon as he picked it up. 

It was the first time Ryan had called him since France. 

“Heyyyyy Shane! Screw you, big guy.”

Oh fuck, he thought. He was being drunk-dialed. 

“Ry, where are you? Someone looking after you? You sound pretty intoxicated.” 

“I’m at the (shut up, Jen, I’m tal-talking), at the bar. The one downtown. The one we used to go to. Till you- you said you loved me.” 

“Ryan,” Shane let out a long sigh. “Maybe we shouldn’t have this conversation right now.” 

“No.” 

Suddenly, Ryan sounded very sober. 

“You’re the one who ruined everything. Now our friendship is just a memory. A memory, Shane! I can’t love anyone. Don’t you see that? I can’t love.” 

Hearing the sobs from the other side of the line broke Shane’s heart, and he wished more than anything he could be there to comfort his best friend. 

“Hey, baby, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay. Why do you think you can’t love anyone? Why would you think that?”

“Hi, uh, Shane? (Give it back!) It’s Jen. You wanna come pick Ryan up?”

Shane had never been out the door faster.

* * *

 

Shutting the door quietly behind him, Shane exhaled tiredly as he settled on the couch. He’d left Ryan with an Advil and a glass of water on the bedside table, hoping a good night’s sleep in a bed would help alleviate the hangover that was sure to come. 

Drunk Ryan was a grumpy, sad Ryan tonight. It broke Shane’s heart even further. 

During the car ride to Shane’s apartment, he tried to question his friend more about what he had said on the phone. But the believer seemed unwilling to talk anymore. He could only hope the other man would be more willing in the morning.

In what seemed like only a few hours later, Shane was woken by stumbling and the shutting of the bathroom door. When he opened his eyes once more, there was a bleary Ryan shuffling to the kitchen tap to refill his water glass.

“You sleep alright? How’s the hangover?”

A pained grunt was his response.

Shane gave the believer’s back a small smile. “That bad, huh? Hopefully the Advil will kick in soon.”

“Yeah. Thanks, by the way,” were Ryan’s first words of the morning. “How did I get here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Jen called,” seemed to be reason enough when the other man just nodded knowingly at Shane’s vague answer.

Shane stared at Ryan for a moment, trying to discern how much he really remembered.

“Do you recall anything you said or did last night?” he finally questioned.

The believer frowned as he set his water glass down. “Um. No?”

That was Ryan’s lying voice.

“You sure about that, little guy?”

He huffed. “Fine! I remember some of what I said. Why does it matter, _big guy_?”

At the point, Shane was tired of beating around the bush. He’d gone too long without his best friend and the love of his life.

“Why do you think you can’t be loved?”

Ryan flinched.

“I… it’s never worked out. With anyone. And with Helen it was nice. But I could always tell she was ready to leave, ready to drop everything and go. And… then there was Lee.”

What the fuck. Shane had never heard of Lee before. Who was she?

“Lee was, well he, he was kind of a piece of shit.”

Oh, double fuck. Lee was a _he_.

“Lee was the one who sort of. Put me off guys forever. Told me I was no good at a boyfriend, much less loving someone. Said no guy would ever stay with me because I couldn’t love them the same way. Said some other stuff too, when we broke up, other stuff I try to forget.”

Shane was close to tears. This Lee, whoever this utter trashcan of a human being was, had somehow buried deep into Ryan’s psyche and damaged the soul of the most beautiful, shining person he knew.

“So I just stuck to girls after that. They were generally nicer and less violently worded. I was the only man in the relationship and I guess that made me safer. I wouldn’t question if I was a good boyfriend if I was the only boyfriend.”

“Shit, Ryan, I…” Shane started before his friend cut him off.

“It’s okay. I know I shouldn’t believe Lee or that I can’t love anyone. And I shouldn’t have reacted to you like that. I just panicked and got scared.”

It was one thing to panic in the moment, but Ryan had continued to act like he hated Shane for weeks afterwards.

“Why were you scared? And why did you act like a dick who couldn’t stand the sight of me even after you realized your mistake?”

Ryan winced. His whole body seemed to shrink as he hunched his shoulders, not willing to look Shane in the eyes.

“I… thought you hated me too? After I acted like that. And so I just kept up the act so that I wouldn’t look like I was having a pity party when everything was my fault in the first place.”

Damn. So it had been the little guy’s pride. That and fear had kept them apart for all this time when they could’ve been together.

At Shane’s silence, Ryan began to tear up.

“I’m so, so sorry, Shane. I know it was wrong, and I have no excuses. Please forgive me? And maybe, you could confess again, and I can tell you how I really feel?”

There was the Ryan he knew.

Acting still upset, Shane turned his head away but got down on one knee beside the kitchen counter. He startled the believer by quickly peering up at him and grasping Ryan’s hands in his.

“Ryan Steven Bergara, I hereby forgive you for breaking my heart and being a dick. But I have something to get off my chest. I still love you and want to be with you for the rest of our ghost-hunting days. Will you do me the honor of being my ghoulfriend?”

And Ryan laughed and laughed, finally catching his breath to get out a joyful, “yes!”

**Author's Note:**

> And that's that. Hope you all enjoyed.   
> Kudos and comments are always welcome, I'd love to know what you think <3  
> (plus, they keep my muse happy, and when she is happy, I produce more content *wink wink*)


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